Is there anyone else out there feeling like purging and cleaning your house from top to bottom? Ok, so I never really want to clean my house that much, but starting the New Year in an organized, clean slate kind of way has definitley been on my mind!! Each new year is like a clean slate, a do over... full of possibility! However, for me, the New Year's resolutions have come and gone already. I had planned on hitting the ground running as usual, having my house organized, offering tons of in person classes, creating multiple online classes and even getting ahead with my painting. Well, God had other plans for me!
Shortly after I had everything in line and ready to go for January, Lu's 99 year old, resilient mom, Claire, passed away peacefully... right before Christmas, leaving us with a trip to Switzerland to plan for her memorial. Right in the middle of all of all my plans! I literally stopped everything I was doing for two full weeks in January! And it is true, that I should have stopped everything; this event was the most important thing on my plate now. I just had to deal with canceling so many things, having my mindset completely derailed and letting down so many people - or so I thought. Honestly, the last two months have been a blur dealing with everything from rearranging my schedule, saying goodbye to a loved one, reliving old family stories...opening old wounds, family drama, forgiveness, jet lag, lack of sleep, snow ice and then a simple, but intense cold that has lasted for 2 weeks. I have had plenty of time to contemplate it all. And I wouldn't change any of it.
Regrouping, cleaning up, purging the old, or emptying my plate whether physically or mentally has been my way of life for a really long time. Unfortunately for me, I usually pile everything back up before I can even breathe a little with it empty! So now, after a few months of being forced to slow down, and clear my schedule...my plan is to simplify some. To ask the question "Why" more often. I recently realized that most of my life I have been trying to prove something...to the world, to my family and husband... but mostly to myself. It has been a driving force for far too long, and the reason my plate seems to refill itself almost instantaneously.
Am I good enough?... loved unconditionally?... and accepted as me...just me? Well, actually in Christ, I am. Once I fully accept my identity as a child of God, and really believe what He says about me, I am more comfortable to really sit longer in peace and hear what is next. I do not have to run 100mph anymore trying to be enough for everyone and everything. I can release all of the lies, and then there is plenty of room to hear the truth! Finally, I get it...release to receive!!
I'll be honest, I have heard God's word many times before, but somehow it would just hit me and fall to the ground. I could not receive it because I was in a hamster wheel of self doubt and fear...too afraid to stop because of what I would feel or even learn about myself. Now as I am obedient in sitting still, listening to God, and actively pursuing time with Him, I am able to receive these truths more and more each day! My "perfomanced" based life is a thing of the past.
So how does this newfound peace play into my art business? Great question, and one I am unpacking slowly. For now, I am offering classes as God works through me to inspire and bring His peace to others. It still may look like I am doing a lot of things, the big difference is How I am doing them...there is no more panic about my self worth or provision. I am free to just CoCreate with God...with my art membership, online, in person or even on my newest adventure...Live Pinterest TV!!! Here is the link for my class next week! https://www.pinterest.com/tv/106890191149989428 God is so good.
Grace and Peace,
Beth Affolter
PS If you'd like to join me on an art adventure, I would love to see you!!!